someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
