Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
