they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
In America we eat man semen.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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