just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
