wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
