her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
