my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
