So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
