i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
