I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
