Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
