ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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