I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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