Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Quick, to the slutcave!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
