the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
