I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
