At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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