No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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