is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
