So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
