i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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