The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
