Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
