I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
