True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This baby is an asshole
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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