i barfeds in our rink
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
