I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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