Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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