***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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