hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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