I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
