Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
