things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
