If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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