ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
