i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
false alarm. still invincible.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
