totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
