An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
