A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
