maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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