Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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