theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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