you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
