ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
