Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
