Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
