While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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