phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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