so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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