My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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