Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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