if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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