Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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