OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
